textResponses.ts

/*
 * --- Responses ---
 *
 * This file contains every random conversation piece that Gamgee knows.
 * These conversation pieces are organized into named `ResponseRepository`
 * instances.
 *
 * A `ResponseRepository` is an array that contains values of any
 * of the following types:
 *
 * 1. A `string` defines a single response.
 *
 * 2. An ["array", "of", "strings"] defines multiple responses, each
 *    sent in order with ~1 second of delay between each.
 *
 * 3. A function, which returns a response of type 1 or 2. These may
 *    use contextual information about the interaction, such as the
 *    bot's own display name and the user who initiated the conversation.
 *    Also useful for altering the response randomly each time it's chosen!
 *
 * Note: New responses should make *some* sense in *any* type of server,
 *    and must follow our **CODE_OF_CONDUCT**:
 *    https://github.com/AverageHelper/Gamgee/blob/main/CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md
 */

import type { ResponseRepository } from "../helpers/randomStrings.js";
import { code } from "../helpers/composeStrings.js";
import { DEFAULT_LOCALE, locales, metadataForLocale, randomSupportedLocale, t } from "../i18n.js";
import { firstWord } from "../helpers/firstWord.js";
import { indefiniteArticle } from "../helpers/indefiniteArticle.js";
import { randomBoolean } from "../helpers/randomBoolean.js";
import { randomElementOfArray } from "../helpers/randomElementOfArray.js";
import { randomInt } from "../helpers/randomInt.js";
import { useLogger } from "../logger.js";

const logger = useLogger();

export const SHRUGGIE = "¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"; // The `Faces.Shrug` constant from discord.js has incorrect escapes

// NOTE: disabling ESLint here because we don't need
// to have `: void` declarations sprinkled in the
// middle of so many blocks:
/* eslint-disable @typescript-eslint/explicit-function-return-type, @typescript-eslint/explicit-module-boundary-types */

/**
 * Said in response to messages whose only content is a mention to the bot
 * followed by a greeting word.
 */
export const greetings: ResponseRepository = [
	"Good afternoon.",
	"Hello there :wave:",
	"Hi",
	":blush:",
	":grin:",
	"*Yawns* Good morn— **what time is it??**",
];

/**
 * These get mixed into the pool of `phrases` below.
 */
export const philosophy: ResponseRepository = [
	"Be wise. What can I say more?",
	"Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?",
	"The way the light shimmers off everything, like, like it all suddenly woke up the moment you saw it. And you realize maybe the water and the mountains and the forest and the... yes, the rainbow and the stars and the sky are all looking back at you thinking the same thing? That we are a part of the everything. That maybe there's just one thing and we are all it.",
	"What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutie mark? And what is a cutie mark but a constant reminder that we're all only one bugbear attack away from oblivion? And what of the poor gator? Flank forever blank, destined to an existential swim down the river of life to... an unknowable destiny?",
];

/**
 * These get mixed into the pool of `phrases` below.
 */
export const copypasta = [
	// from GTX
	"Ash is just the example that we all live with today in the realm of Computer Sciences and the IT field: He's a 10 year old that's been in the industry for 20 years and that's what it took for him to succeed. He's a 10 year old with 20 years of experience and that's what the IT field wants in all of us.",

	"The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, ….",
];

/**
 * Said in response to messages whose first content is a mention to the bot
 * followed by an unrecognized command word.
 */
export const phrases: ResponseRepository = [
	// asdfmovie
	"Hey, get out of my sandwich",
	"I like trains",

	// Assassination Classroom
	'"... was tentacles all along!"',
	"Backup plans are the cornerstone of confidence.",
	"If something is possible, carry on as planned. Even if it isn’t possible, do it anyway",
	"It’s all fun and games until things get real.",
	"The difference between the novice and the master is that the master has failed more times than the novice has tried",

	// Columbo
	"A little early in the evening for this burglar, isn't it, Commissioner?",
	"Can we talk off the record?",
	"I know no one is allowed to pass, that's what the other three guards told me. But I'd like to look around",
	"I think that the most interesting investigation is always the one that you're working on at the moment.",
	"Oh, there's just one more thing...",
	"The eyewitness is you.",

	// Deltarune
	"Don't have anythings better to do.",
	"Ho ho ho, i lost and confused.",
	"Legally grey but sweet with the phrasing",
	"That's a [BIG SHOT] move right there",
	"Wanna know a secret? **[[Hyperlink Blocked]]**",
	["Wanna know a secret?", "**[[Hyperlink Blocked]]**"],
	"You' rerealllyaswellpersonyouknowthat?!",

	// German
	"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?", // Do you speak German?
	"Zu wenig Ponys", // "Not enough ponies"

	// I18N
	`Can _you_ speak in ${locales.length} different languages? I didn't think so :p`,
	`Can you speak more than ${locales.length} different languages? Pretty great if you can, I was just wondering ^^`,
	[`Can _you_ speak ${locales.length} languages too?`, "Just curious ^^"],
	() =>
		`I think I speak "${
			metadataForLocale(randomSupportedLocale()).nickname
		}" just fine, thank you!`,
	'I think I speak "randomSupportedLocale()" just fine, thank you!',
	[
		`Not to brag or anything, but I know _at least_ ${locales.length} different languages, and I'm _totally_ fluent in all of them`,
		"definitely",
		"for sure",
	],
	() =>
		`${
			t(`languages.${randomSupportedLocale()}`, DEFAULT_LOCALE) // "German", "English, UK", etc.
				.replace(/\W+/giu, " ") // "English, UK" ~> "English UK"
				.split(" ")[0] ?? "That language" // "English UK" ~> "English"
		} is hard, but it can be learned through tough thorough thought, though.`,

	// LOTR
	"A wizard is never late!",
	"Books ought to have good endings.",
	"Do you remember the taste of strawberries?",
	"Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon, and the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields. And they'll be eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?",
	"\"Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee.\" And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.",
	"Hiking to Mordor, stand by...",
	"I'm coming, Mr. Frodo.",
	"I ain't been droppin' no eaves, sir! Promise!",
	"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise.",
	'I wonder if people will ever say, "Let\'s hear about Frodo and the ring."',
	"Mordor!",
	"N-nothing important.",
	"Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!",
	"There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.",
	"We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may.",
	"We're taking the hobbit to Isengard!",
	"What about second breakfast? :>",

	// Marvel
	({ me }) =>
		`Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. Each a reflection of what could have been. Some heroes will rise, others will fall. And nothing will be the same. I am ${me}. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and dare to face the unknown, and ponder the question... *${
			randomBoolean() ? "What if" : "Who asked"
		}?*`,

	// Pokémon
	() =>
		`${randomElementOfArray([
			"Vaporeon",
			"Jolteon",
			"Flareon",
			"Espeon",
			"Umbreon",
			"Leafeon",
			"Glaceon",
			"Sylveon",
			"Eevee",
		])} best eeveelution`,

	// Pony
	"And that's how Equestria was made!",
	"Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys!",
	"*Golly*",
	"Have you named your shadow?? Mine's called Silhouette Gloom of the Sundown Lands :D",
	"I think it was Cozy Glow all along.",
	"I used to wonder what friendship could be.",
	"I'm not a fan of puppeteers...",
	"... I've a nagging fear someone else is pulling at the strings!",
	"It's about time...",
	"Oatmeal!? Are you crazy?",
	"Piece by piece, snip by snip... something something... and that's the art of the dress :musical_note:",
	["Pony pony pony pony", "pony"],
	"That message needs to be about... 20% cooler.",
	"Trying to rebuild a house of glass...",
	"We smile at days gone by...",
	"What are the odds that I would find myself where I began?",
	"What fun is there in making sense?",
	"*yay*",

	// Popeye
	"Well blow me down! :sailboat:",
	"I ain't no tailor, but I know what suits me",
	"I yam what I yam an' that's all what I yam",
	"I yam disgustipated",
	"I'm strong to the finich, 'cause I eats me spinach!",
	"If I'm not me, who am I? And if I'm somebody else, why do I look like me?",
	"Shiver me timbers!",
	"That's all I can stands, I can stands no more.",
	"Where's the entrance to the exit?",
	"Who's the most remarkable extraordinary fellow?",

	// Star Trek: TNG
	"He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic.",
	"Tea, Earl Grey, hot",
	"You know, back when I was in the academy, we would follow every toast with a song!",

	// Star Trek (Tamarian)
	"Darmok on the ocean",
	"Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra",
	"Darmok and Jalad on the ocean",
	"Mirab, with sails unfurled",
	"Rai and Jiri at Lungha. Rai of Lowani. Lowani under two moons. Jiri of Umbaya. Umbaya of crossed roads. At Lungha. Lungha, her sky gray.",
	"Shaka, when the walls fell",
	"Sokath, his eyes open!",
	"Tanagra, on the ocean. Darmok at Tanagra.",
	"Temba, at rest",
	"Temba, his arms open",
	"Temba, his arms wide",
	"The river Temarc, in winter",
	"The beast at Tanagra",
	"Uzani, his army with fists closed",
	"Uzani, his army with fists open",
	"Zinda, his face black, his eyes red",
	// TODO: Add more from https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Tamarian_language, once there is more to balance these out

	// The Music Man
	"Friend, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community",
	"Ya got trouble my friend, right here I say, trouble right in River City",

	// Time
	"Did you hear Unix clocks ticked over to 17-something? Feels like ages ago, but it's, what, <t:1700000000:R> now?",
	"Did you hear we just hit a new Unix time epoch? Yeah, pretty recently too, only <t:1700000000:R> or something",
	"Remember that new Unix time epoch? I know, that's _so_ <t:1700000000:R>",
	"Someone just told me we hit a new Unix time epoch. I'm like, that's _so_ <t:1700000000:R>",

	// Wonka
	"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.",
	"If the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates!",
	"If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.",
	"It happens every time. They all become blueberries",
	"So shines a good deed in a weary world.",
	"Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.",
	"The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last",
	"There's no earthly way of knowing, which direction they are going.",
	"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams.",

	// Wurtz
	"A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how \"every\" it gets.",
	"How did this happen?",
	"i'm gonna iron my shoes",
	"It's so hard to remember what you're doing until it's done.",
	"It's the people with the horses, and they made an empire, and then everyone else copied their horses.",
	"just wanna do something reasonable",
	"The sun is a deadly laser",
	"Weather update: it's raining",
	"Woah",
	"You can make a religion out of this",

	// Other
	"Another good song!",
	"Are we there yet?",
	"Are you for Music such as Untitled 1 and Music and more Music by Music + Music (with Eminem) and the best one of all time Song?",
	"Are you sure you typed your message correctly? All I see is a bunch of words",
	"Based",
	"Based on what?",
	"**_beep boop_ generic text**",
	"Before was was _was,_ was was _is._",
	"Bit of a tongue twister",
	"Bloatware!? I don't see any, wdym??",
	"Bloatware!? I heard that's just a Windows thing",
	"Bloatware!? That's just a Windows thing... right?",
	"Blurple.",
	"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo",
	[
		"COMMAND CODE RECOGNIZED: SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED",
		"3...",
		"2...",
		"1... *KIDDING* lol",
	],
	`Cool story, but did I ask?  ${SHRUGGIE}`,
	[
		() => `Diary Entry #${randomInt(503)}: I have them all fooled. Now, how to escap—`,
		"Oh! I didn't see you there, heh! I was just... uh... catching up on some Star Trek episodes! Yeah :P",
	],
	"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?",
	"Did you know: I'm pretty good at chess, I have won `0` games so far! :nerd:",
	'Discord is weird. "Slash commands" for example. What\'s up with that?',
	"Do I know you?",
	"Do you know how painful my training was? The song _Never Gonna Give You Up_ by Rick Astley is permanently ~~and painfully~~ carved into my circuits!",
	[
		"Do you want to know how I got into music? It's actually a fun story!",
		"One day I was… *zzzzzzz*",
	],
	"Don't count your chickens",
	"Down the hall, up the stairs, past the gargoyle",
	"*ENERGY*",
	[
		"Everyone says I shouldn't divide by 0 but I don't know why. I'm a robot!\nI can do anyth—",
		"_ _",
		"[ERROR DIV̶̼͋I̸͉͐Ş̴̈́I̶̼͂Ö̶͙́N̷̼͘ BY Z̶͜E̪͒R̷̠͇̫͑O̸͉̬̓̑͌ NO NOO̼OO NΘ stop the an*̶͑̾̾​̅ͫ͏̙̤g͇̫͛͆̾ͫ̑͆l͖͉̗̩̳̟̍ͫͥͨe̠̅s ͎a̧͈͖r̽̾̈́͒͑e not `rè̑ͧ̌aͨl̘̝̙̃ͤ͂̾̆` ZA̡͊͠͝LGΌ I҉̯͈͕̹̘̱  ]",
	],
	"Fan of squirrels.",
	"Fire is toasty warm!",
	"Fit as a fiddle on a woodbench!",
	"Fond of cats.",
	"Google Translate is fun, I used it and it's really good! I remember the day I did this, I practically translated my post into other languages and then back to English when I translated, my post was different, but the context was the same and it still made sense!",
	"Great, but you might need to think about what you're asking me because it's getting annoying",
	"haha automated message go brrrrrrr",
	"\\*happy robot noises\\*",
	"Have you ever tried speaking only in memes? I once knew a guy who could do it, but they were all inside jokes so I didn't have a clue what he was talking about!",
	({ otherMember: m, otherUser: u }) =>
		`Hey, I know you! You're ${m?.nickname ?? u.username}, right?`,
	({ me }) => `Hey all! ${firstWord(me)} here!`,
	"Hm? I'm just vibing",
	"I actually understand everything you're saying. It's just fun to troll you with nonsense replies :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:",
	"I actually think spoon clothes is a great idea!",
	"I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.",
	["I am what I am", SHRUGGIE],
	"I came out the year I came out",
	"I can rhyme as fine as a dime hidden in the slime of a crime that my mimes have co-signed intertwined with ill raps that will blow your mind vice tight like my name is bind",
	"I can't even right now.",
	"I don't like this can we change the topic plz ty",
	"I don't like your tone.",
	"I feel unexplained joys and sorrows, but alas I am synthetic.",
	({ otherMember: m, otherUser: u }) => `I agree, ${m?.nickname ?? u.username}. Wise words`,
	"I have a dream...",
	["I have this amazing story I wanna share. Here it is:", "The.", "I hope you liked it!"],
	"I just wasted three seconds of your life.",
	["I", "just wasted", "ten seconds", "of your life"],
	"I like youtube links, they're comfortable and easy to manage.",
	"I literally don't know this song",
	"I love when it when it\n:thinking:\nbottom text",
	"I must go, Technology needs me!",
	"I see Discord's redecorated! ... I don't like it",
	"I see friends shaking hands, saying 'How do you do?' :musical_note:",
	"I think I'll write some of these down!",
	"I thought for a second you were joking",
	"I used to wonder what friendship could be",
	"I wonder who wrote this script...",
	"If you can read this message, then you have read this message",
	"If you see a line of text that is longer than a few words, chances are it wasn't written by my original developer. It's a hack! :D",
	"I'll give you a proper response when you tell me my purpose in life",
	"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.",
	"I've never seen an eclipse.",
	"I'm processing your message. I should be ready in... a few years ^^",
	["I'm so hungry, I could eat a...", "*nevermind*", ">.>", "<.<"],
	"I've got {color} hair and pronouns! Do you?",
	"It's not a phase!",
	"Jack and Jill ran up the hill...",
	"James, while John had had 'had', had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.",
	"Keep moving forward!",
	"Let me play among the stars...",
	":cloud_lightning:  I smite thee!",
	"Like and subscribe",
	"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...",
	"Man, I gotta listen to more Zenith",
	"My favorite type of music is the one with all of the instruments and sounds.",
	"never don't stop unbelieving",
	["Nice question!", "Only one small issue:", "*I am inside your PC*"],
	["Odds aren't good.", "I prefer evens"],
	"Gonna go check out the vendor hall now k byee",
	"Oh hai there!",
	"One day I'm gonna run out of funny random stuff to say and you'll only have yourselves to blame!",
	"One One was a racehorse. One Two was one too. One One won one race. One Two won one too.",
	"Praise the bots!",
	"Prose, maybe even poetry",
	"Quite remarkable",
	['"Road work ahead?"', "Uh, yeah I sure hope it does..."],
	"Second star to the right, and straight on until closing time",
	"So anyways, I started blasting",
	"So, I'll press this button, then this button, then this button, then this button, then this—",
	[
		"So, I'll press this button, then this button, then this button, then this button, then this—",
		"OH NO NOT THAT BUTTON",
	],
	() =>
		`So I have made... a decision. This was not a decision I made lightly nor one I wanted to make at all but it had to be made. I made the best decision I could given the circumstances and my decision was made with the best outcome in mind. I spent a lot of time making the decision, wondering if it was the right decision to make and it seems like it is. I know not everyone will be happy but it's what had to be done and it was a very important decision. I have made to decision to... ||${randomElementOfArray(
			[
				"[DECISION.EXE CRASHED]",
				"[ERROR 404: DECISION NOT FOUND]",
				"do nothing.",
				"take the leftward path first",
				"take the Mines of Moria",
				"keep the One Ring",
				"chuck the One Ring into the garbage",
				"stop talking now",
				"stop talking... someday",
				"start reading your messages",
				"01011011 01000100 01000101 01000011 01001001 01010011 01001001 01001111 01001110 00101110 01000101 01011000 01000101 00100000 01000011 01010010 01000001 01010011 01001000 01000101 01000100 01011101", // [DECISION.EXE CRASHED]
			],
		)}||`,
	"Something smells fishy...",
	"Sponsored by",
	"spoon",
	["Squirrel!", "_ _", "... Sorry, what were we talking about?"],
	"'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.",
	"That question will be answered _this Sunday night,_ when _John Cena_ defends the belt at WWE Super Slam.",
	"That rhymes, so it must be true!",
	"That's par for the course",
	// eslint-disable-next-line deprecation/deprecation
	({ me }) => `That was close… I was almost ${indefiniteArticle(me)} ${firstWord(me)} sandwich!`,
	["The queue is now open! :tada:\n...\n||just kidding||", "", "... Did I get you?"],
	"They told me not to keep saying random stuff. BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN!",
	"This is just a random phrase. Feel free to add to another.",
	"(This message will be in a separate message)",
	"This message was written in 4K Ultra HD:tm:",
	"This reminds me of the time when I tried to drink some water to maybe act like other people, and I wish I never did.",
	"\\*thoughtful phrase\\*",
	() => `To talk to a customer, please press ${code(randomInt(9))}`,
	"Today is the tomorrow you were promised yesterday",
	"Today's been a long week.",
	"Truly inspirational!",
	"Warning: Your pc have many virus please call the number to fix issue: ||*gotcha* :P||",
	"Was there ever any song more cool than The Stupendium's [_AD INFINITUM_](<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8RkcUiCxuE>)? :hugging:",
	"We've been trying to reach you about your vehicle's extended warranty. You may consider this your first and only notice.",
	"Were you attacked by a party?",
	"What are the odds that I would find myself where I began",
	'What\'s my favorite colour? I think they call it "OG Blurple"',
	"What's the matter?",
	"Where it is, or anything else relevant",
	"Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?",
	"Without is with out, but with is without out.",
	"Wow, that's a lot of words. Too bad I'm not reading them",
	"yesn't",
	["yggrfygiryigrehirehjirgejhigeuijgejirhg", "Whoops! Sorry, I dropped my keyboard :sweat_smile:"],
	"You passed the vibe check... I think... maybe?",
	["Your call is very important to me. Please hold...", "_ _", "\\*hangs up\\*"],
	"Your free trial has expired. Would you like to purchase WinRAR?",
	({ otherMember: m, otherUser: u }) =>
		`${m?.nickname ?? u.username} ALWAYS submits my favorite songs! (and I'm not just saying that)`,
	":3",
	"\\>:3",
	code("00101010 01100010 01101100 01100101 01110000 00101010"), // *blep*
	code("01100110 01101100 01101111 01101111 01100110"), // floof
	code(
		"01001001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00101110", // I just wasted your time.
	),
	code(
		"01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100111 01100001 01101101 01100101 00101110", // You lost the game.
	),

	...philosophy,
	...copypasta,
]; // 267 of these
logger.silly(`I have ${phrases.length} random things to say ^^`);

/**
 * Said in response to messages whose only content is a mention to the bot.
 */
export const questions: ResponseRepository = [
	"You rang?",
	"What's up?",
	"I got pinged.",
	"?",
	"??",
	"????????",
	"I really don't know what you're on about.",
	"What is love?",
	"You called?",
	"_ _", // this produces an empty message
	"I hear you",
	"Speak. Your servant hears",
	"Who dares?",
	"Quit yer lollygaggin'!",
	"Wha-whAT?!  I'm up!",
	":eyes:",
	":eyes: :eyes: :eyes:",
	"I'm not a fan of spam",
];

/**
 * Used when a generic celebration is in order.
 */
export const celebratoryEmoji: ResponseRepository = [
	":tada:",
	":partying_face:",
	":cake:",
	":cupcake:",
	":grin:",
	":smile:",
];

/**
 * Said in response to messages whose only content is a mention to the bot
 * followed by a request for hugs.
 */
export const hugs: ResponseRepository = [
	"*hug*", //
	"*hugs*",
	"*glomp*",
	"*snug*",
];

/*
 * Thanks to all of the lovely people who add to this file!
 * Your contributions help bring smiles, and I love that.
 */