There are few feelings worse than burnout.
When your heart once filled with wonder and delight
Now lies extinguished, ephemerally alight;
Hands frozen dry, ears closed, eyes dim
Before you even knew the cold seeped in.
You drift, wander, living on sparks
To burn you inside until you’re scarred.
When there was no dark you thought the light would never run out
But now night falls and you see the shadows of doubt.
What happened to being driven?
What happened to having love?
You don’t train for the shots you’re given
And won’t get up without a nudge.
As if more time will erase the stains
Of stagnation, complacence which still remain;
Regret, remorse, relapse, you’ve utterly cursed
yourself with everything, everywhere and so much worse;
Your hear those whispers in the dark of your mind.
Perhaps for the first time in your life
You are understanding what it means to feel fear.
Now the bubble has burst and I can hear
The looming weight of the world,
Eternally above
And it’s soul-crushing
Mind-tearing,
Heart-burning.
When did we grow up?
(29 February 2024)