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main.js
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function changeText() {
document.getElementById('boldStuff').innerHTML = " ";
var r_text = new Array();
r_text[0] = "is coaching at some high school somewhere";
r_text[1] = "is playing in the CFL, probably";
r_text[2] = "is trying to get all his stats to 99 on Madden";
r_text[3] = "is coaching at Air Force or Navy or some school that runs the option all the time";
r_text[4] = "is playing Tecmo Bowl in his mom's basement";
r_text[5] = "is drunk (on life)";
r_text[6] = "is high (on life)";
r_text[7] = "will return when we are ready for him, like Quetzalcoatl";
r_text[8] = "is in Smashing Pumpkins now";
r_text[9] = "is doing yoga on his Wii Fit";
r_text[10] = "is trying to find Carmen Sandiego";
r_text[11] = "is caulking his wagon to ford the river";
r_text[12] = "died of gangrene";
r_text[13] = "is in the Arena League. Is that where Shreveport plays?";
r_text[14] = "is giving motivational speeches, probably";
r_text[15] = "is trying to launch his own athletic apparel brand, Under Tebow";
r_text[16] = "is trying to convince people that Jars of Clay really is a good band";
r_text[17] = "is photoshopping every NFL jersey onto himself";
r_text[18] = "is Googling \"does NFL Europe still exist\"";
r_text[19] = "is Googling \"list of Arena League teams\"";
r_text[20] = "is Googling \"what other countries play football not soccer\"";
r_text[21] = "is Googling \"do any former NFL players play professional soccer\"";
r_text[22] = "is Googling \"sports similar to football\"";
r_text[23] = "is Googling \"rules to Australian football\"";
r_text[24] = "is Googling \"is Gaelic football like regular football\"";
r_text[25] = "is Googling \"do they run the Wildcat in rugby\"";
r_text[26] = "is Googling \"Timmy Football\"";
r_text[27] = "is trying out potential ESPN catchphrases. \"Pow!\" \"Zap!\"";
r_text[28] = "is writing his autobiography with Mitch Albom. it is heartwarming or treacly depending on how discerning/jaded you are";
r_text[29] = "is trying to pitch a football version of Mighty Ducks";
r_text[30] = "is hanging out with Vertical Horizon";
r_text[31] = "is watching Kirk Cameron movies";
r_text[32] = "is hanging out with Kirk Cameron";
r_text[33] = "is Kirk Cameron. Have you seen them in the same place at the same time?";
r_text[34] = "is opening Tim Tebow's Steakhouse";
r_text[35] = "is opening a Mexican restaurant in Gainesville: Timmy T's Taco Town";
r_text[36] = "is trying to buy a Planet Hollywood franchise";
r_text[37] = "is. He just is.";
r_text[38] = "is reading all the Tom Clancy books";
r_text[39] = "is trying to get through all the Twilight books";
r_text[40] = "is a nice young man";
r_text[41] = "is a real high motor guy";
r_text[42] = "is a real character guy";
r_text[43] = "is asleep on Johnny Manziel's couch";
r_text[44] = "is doing open mics at coffee shops in Florida";
r_text[45] = "is focusing on his music";
r_text[46] = "is the Lieutenant Governor of Florida";
r_text[47] = "is running for deputy mayor of Gainesville";
r_text[48] = "is putting together a PAC to run for Florida state senate";
r_text[49] = "is a Florida state senator";
r_text[50] = "is finishing his PhD in geology";
r_text[51] = "is finishing his PhD in theater";
r_text[52] = "is finishing his PhD in art history";
r_text[53] = "is finishing his PhD in Tagalog";
r_text[54] = "is finishing his PhD in leisure studies";
r_text[55] = "is still hiding from John Elway";
r_text[56] = "is an ESPN college football commentator";
r_text[57] = "is updating his Geocities page";
r_text[58] = "is updating his LinkedIn";
r_text[59] = "died of dysentery";
r_text[60] = "is Tebowing, obviously";
r_text[61] = "is a real gym rat";
r_text[62] = "joined the circus";
r_text[63] = "drives an Uber in Jersey";
r_text[64] = "is working out for the Eagles";
r_text[65] = "got signed by the Eagles, for some reason";
r_text[66] = "is still sad about getting dumped by Miss Universe";
r_text[67] = "is trying to reinvent himself as a knuckleball pitcher";
r_text[68] = "thinks he could play tight end somewhere";
r_text[69] = "has returned to the land of his birth, the Philippines"
r_text[70] = "is a baseball player now"
r_text[71] = "hosts some kind of construction reality show on Fox"
r_text[72] = "is in the Mets' farm system"
r_text[73] = "is having long phone conversations with Skip Bayless"
r_text[74] = "posts on Twitter A LOT"
r_text[75] = "made a movie called Run the Race. No, seriously"
r_text[76] = "has weird shoulders"
r_text[77] = "is speaking at giant Christian gatherings"
r_text[78] = "has the Tim Tebow Foundation, of course"
r_text[79] = "posts religious stuff on Twitter all the time"
r_text[80] = "is really into TikTok"
r_text[81] = "is poopin'"
r_text[82] = "is self-quarantining"
r_text[83] = "is social distancing, we hope"
r_text[84] = "is washing his hands thoroughly"
r_text[85] = "is retired"
r_text[86] = "got vaccinated"
r_text[87] = "is quarantining"
r_text[88] = "is socially distancing"
r_text[89] = "retired from baseball. Up next: lacrosse"
r_text[90] = "retired from baseball. Up next: handball"
r_text[91] = "retired from baseball. Up next: caber toss"
r_text[92] = "retired from baseball. Up next: professional billards"
r_text[93] = "retired from baseball. Up next: pro bowling"
r_text[94] = "retired from baseball. Up next: golf?"
r_text[95] = "retired from baseball. Up next: archery"
r_text[96] = "retired from baseball. Up next: probably some dumb TV gig"
r_text[97] = "retired from baseball. Up next: field hockey"
r_text[98] = "retired from baseball. Up next: the XFL"
r_text[99] = "retired from baseball. Up next: that three person basketball league"
r_text[100] = "retired from baseball. Up next: darts"
r_text[101] = "retired from baseball. Up next: eSports"
r_text[102] = "retired from baseball. Up next: rugby"
r_text[103] = "retired from baseball. Up next: Major League Soccer?"
r_text[104] = "just signed with the Jaguars?"
r_text[105] = "is a tight end now apparently"
r_text[106] = "is the new Broncos coach"
r_text[107] = "received the 2008 Quaqua Protégé Award as outstanding home-education graduate"
r_text[108] = "is on a show with Stephen A. Smith"
r_text[109] = "has a non-profit that fights sex trafficking"
r_text[110] = "owns a minor league hockey team in Lake Tahoe"
r_text[111] = "owns a minor league hockey team in Lake Tahoe"
var i = Math.floor(111 * Math.random())
console.log(i);
console.log(r_text[i]);
document.getElementById('boldStuff').innerHTML = r_text[i];
}