randalloc

randalloc is a 🚀 BLAZING FAST, 🚀 MEMORY SAFE and 🚀 THREAD SAFE memory allocator. It works like this:

void* malloc(size_t s) { return (void*)rand(); }

Actually, a bit more is required to actually make rand work like that. Go read randalloc.c, it's just 36 lines long.

Run it!

git clone https://github.com/portasynthinca3/randalloc.git
cd randalloc
cat main.c # just kinda look at what the code does
sh randalloc.sh

Use it!

• Yank randalloc.c from this repo and paste it into your project.
• Call _init_alloc as close to entry as possible.
• Compile your project with -Wl,--wrap=malloc -Wl,--wrap=free -Wl,--wrap=realloc.
• Enjoy 🚀 BLAZING FASTNESS, 🚀 MEMORY SAFETY and 🚀 THREAD SAFETY in your very own project that you chose to write in a legacy language!

Performance

The allocator runs in O(1) time. And that constant is quite small, not gonna lie.

Have I measured it? No. But it's fast; like look at it!

Memory safety

Assuming you are fortunate enough that your allocations don't overlap, your code will be memory safe!

Thread safety

This allocator does not need to take any extra precautions to ensure thread safety. That not only means it's 🚀 BLAZING SAFE, it's also 🚀 THREAD FAST!

Wait, no, I think I might have mixed up something.

Why?

• I just discovered the --wrap linker flag and my mind was absolutely blown.
• I saw the original implementation in someone's Discord status.
• Yes, I am a little child.

Licensing

This project is hereby licensed under the WTFPL.

Contribution Policy

Due to various compliance requirements, you are now required to submit a DNA test in your first pull request to this repository. If it is found out that you are more than 50% Russian by blood, your pull request will be rejected. Additionally, if it is found out that you are more than 10% Russian by blood, you must provide one of the following or your pull request will be rejected:

• A photo of a valid ID or equivalent document proving that you are not citizen of the Russian Federation;
• A photo of a valid residence permit or equivalent document issued by a state other than the Russian Federation before Sept. 21st, 2022 (the start of mobilization in the Russian Federation);
• A video of you burning down your Russian ID and passport and subsequently singlehandedly overthrowing your dictator.

In addition to all the requirements outlined above, you must prove that you have never worked for a Russian-based company sanctioned by the glorious U.S. of A.

These requirements are retroactive; shall we ever find out that your status (family tree, citizenship, residency and/or employment history) now conflicts one or more of these requirements, your patch will be totally removed from the git log. No revert commit, no anything. Just undo & force push.