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quotes.txt
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Err... Hi Elaine. Do you think you could help me out?
It's kind of a long story.
Well, it all started on Scabb Isalnd. Some of my admiring fans had pressured me into telling my LeChuck evaporating story once again ...
So I bust into the church and say, "Now you're in for it, you bilious bag of barnacle bait!" .. and then LeChuck cries, "Guybrush! Have mercy!, I can't take it anymore!"
Well, actually, that's why I'm here on Scabb Island. I'm on a whole new adveture.
No. Bigger than that.
No, I'm in search of treasure. The biggest treasure of them all. A treasure so valuable and so well hidden, that it haunts the dreams of every pirate on the seas.
None other
Well, I didn't know that before. Now I'm trying to charter a ship and look someplace else. When I return, I'll have riches galore, and a whole new story.
how's the pirate biz?
What's this about an embargo?
Any idea where I could hire a ship?
Yikes. Sounds intimidating.
Do you guys know any piraty songs?
Any marshmallows left?
What's that white fluffy thing on the end of your stick?
Well I 'll see you salty dogs later.
Oops, excuse me.
Is this some sort of bribe situation?
Help! Police!
Then who eats the donuts and roughs up the transients.
Tough town, I guess I should have got those traveller's cheques.
Excuse me.
Hi. I'm Guybrush. Who are you?
I have some questions about Scabb Island.
Actually, I'm trying to get off it as soon as possible.
Thank's that's all I needed to know.
Do you know anything about Big Whoop?
Nobody sent me. I'm free-lance.
Are you looking for Big Whoop, too?
I know I'm looking for it, and that's about it.
No. Tell me all about it.
Elaine?
Why don't you believe it?
But what IS Big Whoop?
Wow. That's some story.
Thanks. I gotta go.
Excuse me...
How's business?
What's that?
Boy, you just gave him all your money?
Sorry, is this your bucket?
So, you won't mind if I take it?
Hello?
Natty dreads.
I need to charter a ship.
Tell me more about the necklace thingy you lost.
Gee, I think I've met your friend.
Unlikely.
I gotta run, lots of treasure hunt'n to do.
How's business?
Tell me about this Largo guy.
But LeChuck's history. I got rid of him myself.
Why don't you just put a curse on Largo?
What kind of ingredients do you need for the doll?
Uh, maybe.
Hey, that almost rhymes.
I have his toupee.
I have some of his spit.
I'll bring you more later.
Excuse me ...
Grog, please. Shaken, not stirred.
I'm old enough! Look at my beard.
Right on!
Rats.
Who's this Kate person you mentioned?
Hey ... Ah ... How's the stew tonight?
Hee, hee, hee!
Uh. I'm really not that hungry anymore.
A little.
Are you saying there's an opening in the kitchen.
I dunno. How much does it pay?
I have the bone of his Grandfather.
I have this pearly-white bra.
Hey! That looks just like him! Thanks, Voodoo Lady.
Take that, you stumpy little dim-witted toad!
I'm Guybrush Threepwood. People don't always recognize me. That's why I carry this.
Largo LaGrande, you are a no-good, vicious, two-bit thug. I command you to give me back my money and leave this island!
Oh! Well, I command you to leave this island!
That'll teach you to mess with the slayer of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck!
As a matter of fact, I did. Quite an interesting story, actually ...
She did, did she? Does SHE have one of THESE?
Yes. LeChuck's beard. Still alive and wriggling.
Whoops.
But I blew his body into a zillion gooey pieces!
But by now it must be ...
He's going to be looking for me!
He's going to try to kill me!!
Where can I hide?
What is it?
Fiddling with the change in my pockets.
Oh yeah, I was doing that, wasn't I?
But I know so little about Big Whoop ...
"Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth". Where'd you get this?
Gee, thanks.
... thanks.
It's me again.
I gotta run, lots of treasure hunt'n to do.
Would you like my monocle?
I need to charter a ship.
Actually, I do have that much.
Great! Where's you're ship?
Yikes.
I don't know, what are my choices?
What are they?
Elaine?
Yes?
Who wants to know?
Oh. All right, let's go. Coming!
I can't say as I care much for your method of invitation.
Such as how much it must cost to keep you in food?
At least I can SEE your toes.
LeChuck's dead. I killed him.
Last time you saw him?!? Oh No! LeChuck's back!
He doesn't scare me. Just tell me where I can find him.
Oh?
Oh. Whatever bounty LeChuck's offering, I'll double it.
I'll be BACK!
(to dog) Here boy ...
What's the next winning number going to be?
Two.
Four.
One.
Three.
Two.
No, I was transferred here today. New orders.
Um... Sorry ... I had a flashback there. What I meant was that I just joined today.
Hello.
I'd like to place a bet.
Oh, yeah. Here.
I'd like 16 red.
I'd love to have the INVITATION!
Thanks.
Hi, I'm looking for a book.
I'm looking for a book.
No, how do I get one?
Guybrush Threepwood.
221B Baker Street.
Ummm ... twenty-one.
Pirate.
Murder, arson, thievery, that sort of thing.
That's about as many titles as I can remember anyhow.
I'd like 'When I blew Up LeChuck'.
Could you find 'Famous Pirate Quotations'?
Do you have 'Great Shipwrecks of Our Century'?
Could you find 'The Joy of Hex'?
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty fisherman.
I'm the best fisherman in these isles!
You? Why, you couldn't fish your way out of a paper bag.
You man "The BlowHARD."
Not if your hooks are as dull as your wit.
What sort of wager were you thinking of?
What's the catch?
You mean, on rice with a little wasabi and soy sauce?
All right, it's a bet.
Yes, but I broke out.
Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!
I'd like to buy this sign.
Oh.
Ok. I'll take it. Thank you. I'd like to buy this well-polished old saw.
OK. I'll take it. Thank you. I'd like to buy this ship's horn
OK. I'll take it.
Thank you. I'd like to buy this mirror.
OK. I'll take it. Thank you. I'd like to buy these eye patches.
I'd like to buy this map piece.
I can't afford that much.
Hi, my name's Guybrush.
Could I have one of those leaflets?
I'm interested in chartering a ship.
Don't you think 6000 pieces of eight is a bit high?
I'll come back later.
THE GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK!!!!
I'm here for the Governor's party.
I've got my invitation right here.
I have my costume right here.
Well, if you insist. But you'll have to try to restrain yourself.
(to dog) What's the matter, boy? Smell something?
Uh ... nice doggie ...
This crazy mutt is trying to kill me!
She named her DOG Guybrush?
Try and catch me, old man!
The one and only, sugarbear!
It's destiny, honeycakes.
Snugglepuss!
Punkydoodle!
Pooper-dooper!
Look at us, together again. Boy. We haven't been like this since ... well ...
If I can't be with you, I don't want to live.
Won't you at least give me a second chance?
Elaine, save me from this whirlpool of misery.
Elaine, take me back. I can't live without you.
Does that mean you're going to let me have the map?
(to dog) Bark as loud as you want! Filbert's out raking the back forty.
OK, dog.
Dad! Mom! What are you two doing here?
So what do you two want?
Really? Great! What is it?
Oh. OK ...
Wow, they're good.
I gotta write this down!
The rib bone is connected to the leg bone.
What is it? What's wrong? Why did you leave me again?
LeChuck! But I killed you!
AARRRGGGHHH!!! Wow! What a dream!
really? Where IS this "leviathan?"
I think you're lying.
Excuse me ... could you take a look at this?
The knives needed sharpening.
Excuse me ...
Largo LaGrande has left Scabb Island for good!
What?!?
Grog, please.
Will you accept a temporary library card?
No, actually it's a fictional name.
Yeah, I could really use it.
Whaddya got?
I'll have Yellow Beard's Baby.
Just give me the drink, please!
OK.
Bartender, get me a drink.
Give me a Bloody Stump.
Ha ha ha Hilarious.
Bartender, get me a drink.
Mix me up a Blue Whale.
Nice place you have here. Well, see ya.
Boy. This stuff makes my spit thick.
I'm looking for a good used coffin.
Could you show me the coffin again?
I'll give it a try.
I am, of course, Captain Loogie.
Ptooie!
How much will you give me for this plaque?
What do you mean? It's worth a mint!
That's not just any lump of pus.
The spit of the person who killed LeChuck is on it.
I'm interested in chartering a ship.
Ok, I'll pay you the 6000 pieces of eight.
Yeah, let's blow this popsicle stand.
I can show you where I want to go on this map that Captain Dread gave me.
What did you do, order this ship out of the back of a comic boook.
I've seen bigger ships in bottles.
Whose bathtub did this ship come from?
I've seen COFFEE CUPS bigger than this ship.
I'll dive in and look for the sunken galleon.
Hey, I can hold my breath for ten minutes!
I got the monkey head! Let's head back to Booty Island.
Sure. I'll take the map piece.
Alright! I got the first map piece!
(to dog) Hello? Little Guybrush? Good boy! Run along home now. Now that's a good dog. Yeah! Now I've got two map sections!
Hey, I've got some ashes for that potion.
What?!
I've got a book of voodoo recipes!
Thirteen!
Thanks.
Uh .. Where exactly did you buy that apron, Rapp?
Look, Rapp ... You're dead.
Green as year-old pickle relish.
Produce an heir to the Seamin' Weenie fortune?
Did I mention I'm looking for Big Whoop?
Oh, you have it with you? Great!
Sure, I'll check it.
You were right. The gas was on. I turned it off.
Thanks.
Uh, oh! I can explain, I --
I'm looking for a map.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die.
Giving up so easily? Wow, this game's a cinch.
Drinking contest?
All gone.
No, thanks. I'll be fine.
It's your turn.
I've got the rest of it right here.
Can you put it all together into one map for me?
Go to the International House of Mojo and ask the fortune teller if my love potion's ready.
Okay.
Wally sent me to pick up some love potion.
Uh-oh. I'd better go check.
gulp!
Hey ... What's a little root beer between freinds ...
Hmmm ...
Can't we talk this thing out?
Geee ... I ...
Ummmm ... well
Where's the bathroom?
Have you ever tried conditioner on that beard?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a
An ottoman comes to mind.
Ha! I bet LeChuck is really cheesed-off now!
Hey, Wally?
Where are we?
Holy Skunk Sweat!! Ouch!
Herman Toothrot! What are you doing here?
What do you mean you've been waiting for me?
What happens now that I'm here?
I'm looking for a treasure. Have you seen any?
Actually, I'm looking for the treasure of Big Whoop?
I think I have better things to do than talk to you.
Pretty Polly.
Shortcut?
... and you showed up about three days later. Will you help menow?
Eek!
Goodbye, LeChuck.
I escaped from you before, I can easily do it again.
Like dreadlocks?
Huh?
No! No, that's not true! That's impossible.
Noooooooo!!!
I don't suppose it's a LucasArts™ game ...
Say, that wouldn't happen to be a voodoo doll, would it.
Are you quite finished?
Please! No more!
Aaaiiiiieeee!!!!
Hey, I'm alive!
I thought I was a goner! Whoops ...
Uh, no that's OK, I --
Here, try this.
Now, isn't that better? Let bygones be bygones.
Let bygones be bygones.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Let's bury the hatchet. Let bygones be bygones.
This is hauntingly familiar.
Take THIS, LeChuck!
You know, this doll reminds me of the stretchy Muscleman I had as a
kid.
I wonder what would happen if I tore the leg off this thing?
What?
No way, I'm not that stupid.
Oh, all right, I'm coming over.
My god, you're ... my creepy brother Chuckie.
Why have you been chasing me all over the place?
When our mother told you to hunt me down, did she actually mention KILLING me, or was that your idea?
Will you promise not to hold me down and spit on me anymore?
What's going on?
No, sir.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate. I don't have to worry about stuff like that.
Yeah!
Captain's log: Guybrush Threepwood. Lost at sea for days now. I have no crew or navigational instruments. No provisions except a half-eaten corn-dog and, unless I find water soon, I'm surely done for. Only the hope of finding my love, Elaine, keeps me going.
My quest for the fabulous treasure called Big Whoop ha left me in this sorry state. I thought it would bring me fame and glory. Instead, it delivered me into the clutches of my enemy, the zombie-pirate LeChuck. I had thwarted his evil plot to marry Elaine and he was after revenge.
Really, really thirsty now. If only I could have a small drink of fresh water, I might have the strength to sail on.
Oh, but I know there's nothing but ocean for miles and miles... If I could reach land, I might find water and some food. Fruit, maybe... something to fight off the scurvy and help me get my strength back. Mmmmmm... maybe some bananas...
Oh, why do I torture myself like this? I might as well wish for some chicken and a big mug of grog for all the good it will do me.
Oh, my sweet Elaine... am I cursed to starve here on this ocean... without seeing your face just one more time? Am I--
Elaine!
I've got to get out of here and help Elaine!
If I could only get through this one door... ...then I could easily overpower the armed guards above... ...slip over the side and make for the shore.
If there are any of you stinking, wretched fiends of the damned in there... ...could you open this door? It's not that I'm trying to escape or anything. It's just that I'd like to step outside and enjoy an adult beverage.
I can't quite squeeze past this cannon.
There's a strange glow coming from that porthole.
It's a brightly lit porthole.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, who are you?
You don't scare me, you mangy pirate!
I'm selling these fine leather jackets
No. I'm lying.
Yep, sorry we couldn't make a deal.
You sound pretty tough.
How tough are you again?
How tough are you again?
Ooooh!
Well, I'm pretty tough myself!
Hey... How did you know about my attempted beard?
I am so tough!
Yes, I am!
Are you wearing a fake beard?
Yes, it is!
It's been glued to your ear hair!
Is that hook for real?
It is so a fake!
Hey! Wait a minute! You're not a pirate! Wally! Don't you recognize me? It's Guybrush Threepwood!
The last time I saw you, we were prisoners in LeChuck's dungeon. Why would you sign on with a ship of the living dead?
Tell me about these seminars.
Tell me about these motivational lectures.
Tell me about these audio books.
Do you have any literature I could look at?
I'm not in the mood for sales hype.
Set me free, Wally.
What's behind that door?
Hmmmm... What are LeChuck's plans?
Snap out of it, Wally!
You're a failure as a pirate
Peep.
Word.
Oh. There, there.
I don't want to slap the little guy around.
I don't want to disturb him. He's had a hard day.
I see a diorama of the children of the world living in peace and freedom.
No, wait. It can't be that. It's just too dark to make out what's in there.
Nice cannon balls.
They're too heavy to carry.
Whoops!
That was me. Sorry.
Sorry about that!
My fault!
Ouch.
Hey! I'm getting pretty good at this...
Ewww, gross... all the bones and stuff are floating towards the ship.
Lose something?
Uh-huh.
No.
You know, you'd look great with a melting candle on your forehead.
No, I am. Really.
Eeek.
Why do you villains always laugh so much?
Can I call you BOB?
"Stride?"
You're about as fearsome as a doorstop
Uh, never mind.
Was your mother's father bald too?
Well, at least now you never have to worry about what to wear.
And accessorizing is really easy.
There you go. How can you see without eyeballs?
It's been swell talking to ya.
Whatever.
I'm going now.
If I gave you your arm back, what would you do with it?
Nope. You blew it
That doesn't need cutting.
I can't use the skeleton arm with that.
Ha-ha! Taste cold steel, feeble cannon restraint rope!
Hey! I lost my cutlass when the ship capsized.
It's got a zombie ballerina.
Hey! I can see the ocean floor. And there's a really angry-looking skull floating around out there.
It's the biggest pile of treasure I've ever seen!
I wouldn't be able to swim with all that treasure. I'll leave it here and come back for it when I have a boat.
I hate to think what that comb's been through.
I think LeChuck needs it more than I do.
I don't even want to know what LeChuck's plans were for that.
No self-respecting pirate would be seen wearing that.
It's LeChuck in all his gory. Err, glory
It's a bag of wooden nickels. Some treasure.
Hey! There's a big diamond ring behind this bag!
If only I could find a way to get up there and get out!
Yes, Elaine!
Umm... did you really mean what you said out there? ...That I was the only man you ever loved?
Elaine, I'm a man of action. A swashbuckler. A rouge. A wanderer! A man who can hold his breath for ten minutes. I have no ties and no regrets. I sail with the wind and go where adventure takes me. But somehow, something always leads me...
Elaine, will you marry me?
Oh, --WALLY?!! You're alive! Uh, but, how did you survive the explosion?!!
Oh no! Elaine!
She's not going to be happy about this
Elaine? Honey? You okay? Can I get you anything? I'll just start lifting that pirate curse, then, huh?
She must weigh a ton! Uh, no offense. Hey, I wonder how many karats she... No, no. Bad idea.
Fun.
Hi.
Ouch.
It's an informative plaque put up by the Plunder Island Naturalist Society. "Plunder Island Feral Chicken. One of Plunder Island's most common fauna, and the animal for which our capital of Puerto Pollo is named."
I don't think so.
Mysterious.
AHHHHH!
Oh, it's just you again.
Yeah, right.
How'd you get all the way up there?
Uh huh.
Do you need me to help you down?
Okay, just thought I'd ask.
What are you doing up there?
Standing?
How long are you going to keep doing that?
Must get pretty dull up there, I suppose.
You seem restless.
What would you rather be doing?
That would make you happy?
Do you know anything about lifting curses?
You seem bitter.
I'd love to stay and chat, but ...uh... I've got to go
I think he wants to be alone right now
Wow! I got a whole pack of gum!
I don't need it. It's just a toy.
I'm sure it won't do anything. After all, it's just a paper voodoo-doll.
Who are you and how did you just appear like that?
You're a fashion consultant?
Neat!
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Hang on a second. Are we going to do one of those flashback things? They always make me nauseous.
I'm starting to remember...
That's right! You've helped so much and I still don't know your name.
Yes, you're right... Hey! Are you making fun of me?
Boy, have I got some stories to tell you!
But I've got to tell you about LeChuck! And Elaine!
No, no, no, wait! It started back on Dinky Island. I knew LeChuck was close...
Okay, okay. No stories. Nice place. I love what you've done with it.
Perhaps later.
Hey, you're good! Something terrible HAS happened! I finally proposed to Elaine!
And when I placed the engagement ring on her hand she was placed under a horrible pirate curse and trapped for eternity as a solid gold statue!
Yeah, that LeChuck was a pretty mean guy.
There's no time to worry about that now! We have to hurry!
Err... I can't tell you. It's too secret.
Err... I just remembered something I've got to do. Uh, see you around!
ELAINE! I've got to get her back! This is so embarrassing. It looks like I'm going to need some more help.
Someone's stolen Elaine!
Do you know who kidnapped her?
Can you give me something to lift the curse?
Great! Tell me!
Where am I going to find a huge, uncursed diamond ring?
Blood Island? I've never heard of it.
Uh huh. So, uh, any huge uncursed rings on any other islands?
Die? Did, did you say, "Die?" As in, me? Dead?
Isn't there a less... dangerous way?
Oh, that's sweet. I...I think I have something in my eye.
How do I get to Blood Island?
Map, ship, and crew. Got it. Well, how will I find the ring on Blood Island?
Blood Island sounds dangerous! Ya have to come with me!
But who will point me in the right direction? You've got to come! You're my only hope!
Blood Island, here I come! I finally defeated LeChuck and his skeleton pirates!
But I heard him blow up and everything!
How can I finally destroy him for good?
I finally found Big Whoop and was enormously disappointed!
I can't remember much about it... just that I was expecting so much more, and felt so let down.
Well, I'm never going back there again.
What makes you think LeChuck will be back?
Gee, when you put it that way, it's kind of hard to stay mad at him. What island is this, anyway?
Plunder Island. Sounds appropriately piratey.
Hmmm. Sounds... exciting.
Elaine is governor of this island, too?
How did you end up on Plunder Island?
So you moved to a swamp on a different island?
What about this giant chicken business?
Don't you think you're being a bit over-dramatic?
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh. Sorry. Go ahead.
No, no, no, wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess... He's crossing the road... to freedom!
Oh, give me a break.
Yeah, right. Whatever. Thanks, I've heard all I needed to know. I want to know what voodoo spell you're working on.
Does it have any skink toes in it?
I'll pass. I want to know more about safe hair replacement systems.
I sure did! A really cool one! I wonder what happened to it... I want to know more about a diet I can live with.
What's that?
I want to know more about variable-rate mortgages.
Could you repeat that?
I want to know more about a career in TV and VCR repair.
Sure, we all do!
I want to know more about the Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl
Thanks for your help. Gotta go!
Hey Murray, remember this?
What would you do with it without your collarbone?
Hey, Murray...
Hey, Murray, check this out!
Rubbed paste all over it.
Are you guys pirate barbers?
Great! Maybe you guys can help me find this huge diamond ring I'm looking for
Yeah! It's supposedly enormous, and it's on Blood Island!
It's a funny story, really: I need it to lift this curse that's turned my girlfriend into a solid gold statue!
Wait a second. Did I just share too much?
Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate.
Okay, then... who are you?
Not THE...
Dude! How'd you like to join my ever-growing pirate crew?
It's going to be a blast! We're going to Blood Island!
Gentleman? That's me all over!
All right. Let's get to dueling!
Hmmm... okay. Hey, that's a nice shirt... How long have you been colorblind?
Nice cologne you're wearing... Did you actually roll around in dung, or just dab a little behind each ear?
Did I mention you're a big old bed-wetting doody-head?
How appropriate. You fight like a cow
I don't want to insult you! Why can't we just get along? You went from pirating to hairstyling. Why?
Through affordably-priced sea shanty compilation albums?
By hanging out at the docks and singing to passing sailors?
Obviously. But there are only three of you.
You still haven't explained why you chose hairstyling.
Oh, my feet are killing me.
Huh? Oh. I'm sorry, my mind was wandering. Please go on.
Are you truly happy with this line of work?
I could be the fourth for your barbershop quartet!
Ah, come on! I've really got a way with a ballad!
Oh, there's a monkey in my pocket, and he's stealing all my change. His stare is blank and glassy, I suspect that he's deranged....
Pretty good, huh?
So what are you telling me, exactly? Let me try out for your barbershop quartet again!
Oh please! Please! The spirit of music is in me!
Once my old man spoke to good King Triton And asked "Why all this senseless fightin'? Why can't we men express emotion?" Now I've got a friend in the...
What do you think, huh?
Let me try another song for your barbershop quartet!
Come on, this time will be great. Trust me.
Plunder, Plunder, how I wonder, How'd you get so doggone pretty? Home to sailors, barbers, tailors and Puerto Pollo, your capitol [sic] city...
Well...?
Listen to me sing again. You'll love it this time.
No, believe me! I'm just getting warmed up.
I'm hooked on you, baby, but the seas keep us apart. And there ain't no eyepatch big enough to cover up my broken heart...
I'm not following you -- is that a good thing?
I've got one song left for you. It's a showstopper!
For those cold, dark shipboard nights, we've got boxers, briefs, and tights made from cotton, silk, or satin, in styles Anglo, Dutch, and Latin, when you sail don't take a chance wearing nothing 'neath your pants! Trust... Silver's Long Johns!
What? What? You liked it?
I bet you have a ton of cool pirate stories
Come on! I'd really like to hear some of...
Had your ship been placed under some kind of pirate curse?
Were you haunted by the spiteful ghost of a former captain?
Hey, that's kind of catchy!
Whoa! Look at the time. Gotta scoot.
Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate.
So... it's good to meet you, Mister...?
Bill? That's your pirate name? Bill?
Oh, I see. Well, that puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it?
Are you ever going back to pirating?
Perfect! I'll be your captain... onward to Blood Island and high adventure! Want to come?
I'm the mighty pirate who defeated LeChuck!
I've got a ton of cool stories..
Well, I've got these nickels.
Err, yeah.
I bet I could find more gold than you've ever seen!
Well, I've got these nickels.
How'd you break into the hairstyling industry?
No! That must be very rewarding work.
Mean? Just that... you know, cutting hair, and, err, singing must be just... a lot of fun.
Okay! New topic. Do you really enjoy being a barber?
Pirate stories. Got any?
Supernatural powers? I have a hard time believing that.
Is this going to be scary? Because I warn you, I've been known to leap into the arms of total strangers when startled.
Good point. Please go on
Your captain sounds like a real freak show.
How long is this story, anyway?
Will do!
Wait a second... was it an enormous pile of jewelry and gold coins and belt buckles at the bottom of the bay?
Eh, just had a feeling. Do you know any more pirate stories?
Is something troubling you? Say, uh, whatcha eating there?
Is it good?
You don't say much, do you?
That's a really good jawbreaker there, huh?
Well. That's just terrific, isn't it?
Boy, I sure could go for a jawbreaker right about now.
I said, "I sure could go for a jawbreaker right about now."
You going to finish that jawbreaker?
Okay. Just checking. Nothing I love more than a good jawbreaker!
Heh. See? When you look at it that way, we're really not all that different, you and I.
Could I have your jawbreaker?
It's been a pleasure. Bye.
You know, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I think we've, well, we've bonded.
Hi.
Oh, it was nothing, really. Just sudden pressure applied below the sternum to expel a foreign object from the windpipe.
Yes?
Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pi... ...rate. Huh?
Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood!
I'm a mighty pirate.
What did you mean, "Ha?"
I'm mighty enough to defeat LeChuck! Twice!
So you're a ship captain, huh?
I've never heard of Captain Rottingham.
Well, how'd you like to join my crew?
Why don't you want to join my crew?
Now just one second...
Well, I didn't want you on my crew anyway.
Did you know you're starting to go gray?
Eh, don't get me wrong. Gray hair suits you
If I were you, I'd worry more about those split ends.
You've got a bald spot starting here in the back.
If you say so. All I know is that there's definitely some kind of shine going on back here. You seem irritable. Is it from your dry scalp?
Eeeh. THAT's a little more than I wanted to know
They're doing great things with dandruff shampoo these days.
Fire! Run for your life!
Rabid dogs are on the loose! Get out now!
That's just what they WANT you to think! There's an ax-wielding maniac at the door! Flee!
The calls are coming from within the barber shop! You must get out immediately!
Storm's a-coming. Better get a move on. Could be a twister.
Captain Rottingham? You're being paged.
You know, sitting down for too long can be unhealthy. It's a serious risk to your cardiovascular system. I think a nice jog could be just what you need right about now. Up and at 'em!
You know, sitting down for too long can be unhealthy.
You seem busy. I'll come back later.
"In memory of the chickens who gave their lives... ...during the Great Puerto Pollo Potluck Jamboree of 1621."
That's weird. I didn't think dandruff... ...moved... Oh!
I'd hate people to think less of this guy just because of a slight problem with... Hey, this isn't dandruff... Oh!
They're, uh, wiggling.
It looks like there's something inside the pocket of this coat.
There's a glove in here.
It's empty... ...or is it?
Watch me make THIS disappear.
Nothing up my sleeve..
Presto! Hey, it worked! There's something inside!
"The A-mfggh-C's of Ventriloquism"
Hey! It's a sticker from Blood Island! It says "Blood Island is for bleeders... ...a message from the Blood Island Tourism Council." Maybe the performer who owns this trunk knows how to get to Blood Island!
It's very mod.
The magic wand has no effect on that.
It's a book about ventriloquism. Say hello to the folks, Harry
Please someone help! I'm trapped inside this trunk!
I don't want to throw my voice there.
You're no actor! Get off the stage, ya bum!
That was funny once.
Yo. I'm a dangerous pirate, who are you?
What was your given name?
I see. What's that putrid stench-ridden drivel that you're rehearsing?
Do pirates drink grog?
You re-wrote Shakespeare?
Why can't you go back to the original scripts?
Why do I find that strangely encouraging? Can I watch you rehearse your horrible play?
Of course. C'mon. Let me watch you rehearse.
PUH-LEEZE can I watch you rehearse?
Romeo and Juliet die
C'mon. Let me watch you rehearse.
PUH-LEEZE can I watch you rehearse?
Can I join your show?
You have no idea how often I hear that.Acting is my life! Let me join your show! I was a tree in my kindergarten play.
Acting is my life! Let me join your show!
Of course, what I really want to do is direct.
Can I join your show?
PUH-LEEZE can I join your show?
Have you been to Blood Island?
Acting is my life! Let me join your show
Oh, what did you perform?
Could you tell me how I can find Blood Island?
Any idea where I could find him?
Carry on.
So how'd you get roped into doing this show?
How surprising.
Break a peg-leg.
"Prop Tree. Fake trees of this genus were often used by early settlers for theatrical productions."
Excuse me..
He's a member of the bustling Plunder Island workforce.
My name is Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pirate.
Who?
You don't need to see my identification.
I'm not the pirate you're looking for.
I can go about my business.
Move along.
I don't want an amenity. I had to eat one of those while I was lost at sea and it was terrible.
Shave me like a yak.
Tee Hee!
I'd like a crew-cut, please.
I don't think he'd like that.
Good analogy.
Rash? That's a bad sign.
Ahoy there! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, here to serve all your mighty pirate needs
How did you become a barber pirate?
So how did that help you become a barber pirate
Ah. Do you know any rousing pirate stories?
Bulky Island? Where's that?
Why didn't you work in pairs or groups of three or four?
How would you like to join my crew?
Helping you move?
I was just kidding. Was that really the test of strength?
Oh, but in school I was always picked last for caber tossing.
That's just about the stupidest sport I've ever heard of. And I watch cable television.
Ahhh, toss THIS.
"Haggis." That's an unusual name.
Oh, so your parents were expecting a girl.
What is that blue stuff in the jar, anyway?
Those sure are nice scissors.
Why are they in the ceiling?
Could I, uh, borrow those scissors for a minute?
Yes, I believe you mentioned that. When I think of all I could do with those scissors...
Did I mention how nice those scissors are?
And they can cut through anything. Please let me borrow those scissors.
I sure could use a haircut.
But what about my haircut?
I just remembered. I have another appointment.
It's the handle the barber uses to raise and lower the chair.
I choose the banjo!
You do?
He's good. I'll never beat him.
You can't be sure of that. That shot may have come from the grassy knoll.
Great!
I'll need two more sailors for my crew.
I wonder if this plaque says something about the flower I just cut. "Ipecac (Cephaelis ipecacuanha). One of the creeping vines common throughout Plunder Island. A syrup made from ipecac flowers was used by the early settlers of Plunder Island as a purgative."
Hmmm... I wonder what this sign means... Snake crossing? What possible harm could a snake...
Well, this isn't good.
I can't reach it!
"Massive, Man-Eating Snake. This fantastic reptile is one of Plunder Island's most dangerous and beautiful predators."
I bet that ship I saw belongs to the pirates who've stolen Elaine!
I can't see it, but I bet it's Snake-Away™ brand snake repellant.
Hmmm.
It's a priceless, delicate Fabergé egg.
It's a complete array of vacuum cleaner attachments.
I hate to think what would happen if these fell into the wrong hands
I'd love to punch him one, but I don't want to make him angry.
He's not going for the flower just by itself.
I don't know how to mix the flower with that.
It makes syrup of ipecac. That seems logical.
Whew! That sure was a close one! I thought for sure when I got eaten by that snake that I was done for! Thank goodness I'm... ...safe... ...now... Hey!
Hang on, the quicksand is sucking all the cool stuff I found in that snake from my pants. Now THERE's an odd sensation.
It's a bunch of conveniently-placed hollow reeds.
I can't move anywhere in this quicksand!
If I could just reach that vine, I could pull myself free.
I can't reach it.
It's a branch resting precariously on that tree root.
My aim is always off when I'm under stress. I might miss. If only I had some sense of dropping the weight on the branch from directly above.
"Quicksand Pit. Quicksand pits of this type are common throughout Plunder Island's nature trails. Many an unwary traveler has found himself trapped and unable to esca... uh-oh. Someone anyone please please help me I'm sinking!"
"Pappapisshu Bush. Discovered by Plunder Island's indigenous peoples, this bush is named after a native word meaning 'Youch!'"
Pappapisshu! Well, I got the thorn. I hope that was worth it
I've got nothing to say.
Neat. A world-class pea-shooter.
Shooting the vine won't do any good.
Even if I could hit the branch with that, it wouldn't do any good.
It's just floating there.
I'd better not put it away just yet. I think I'm onto something here.
Perfect! For once today, things are going...
Well, darn.
Hey!
Thank goodness for those unpredictable Caribbean trade winds!
It's got a huge hole in the bottom. I'd sink.
It's a nice boat except for that enormous gaping hole in the bottom.
Those must be the pirates who've taken Elaine!
"Feeling down 'cause your chick's turned to gold? Come to the swamp! Get your fortune told! Voodoo 'n' Things. (Formerly Just Voodoo. Visit our new location on Plunder Island.)"
"Blondebeard's Chicken Shoppe." It's the two-way speaker for the walk-thru.
Hello?
I can't understand you, what was that?
Ah, forget it.
Of course I have a reservation!
Excuse me, but...
Me?
I have?
Oh.
I'll have the, eh, broasted wattle molé
How's the ipecac slaw?
Would you like to join my crew and sail to Blood Island?
Whoa! Calm down. I was just asking
What's wrong?
The devil chicken.
What's he done?
Do you have any specials?
No thanks. Do you have any other specials?
No thanks. Do you have any other specials?
To whom were you going to deliver your chicken?
Why is that?
What are the pirates of Danjer Cove like?
To whom were you going to deliver your chicken?
How long have you been out of chickens?
No?
Isn't that a little hard on your teeth?
What do you miss most about your chicken?
Nice gold tooth you have there
Did I mention how much I admire your gold tooth?
Don't you ever like to get outside the shop?
Don't you ever like to get outside the shop
I'll let you get back to work.
The devil chicken.
Eeeew! This biscuit is full of... maggots!
"Biscuits and More." I wonder what the "more" is.
Value Meal: Two drumsticks plus super slaw. Looks like a fine deal if you like slaw.
Braaakk!
It is I, the spirit of El Pollo Diablo!
Just kidding.
Excuse me... Sir?
Now that's just rude.
He's awfully reserved for a pirate.
Hey! Mister. Mister, are you listening?
Ah! It's one of LeChuck's skeletal horde!
Mmmm. The undead that walk among us must surely be destroyed lest their evil like... ...overrun and befoul the world of the living.
Oh.
It says, "Ask Me About Grim Fandango™."
What can you tell me about "Grim Fandango™?"
Anything?
I don't like to speak ill of the dead... ...but this guy's lousy at marketing.
Waiter, what's this metatarsal doing in my soup?
I don't want people always asking me about Grim Fandango™
This is the greasiest, crustiest, most revolting chicken I've ever seen!
I can't eat that. The fumes alone would kill me.
Yuck.
"Brimstone Beach Club. Member Since 1632."
Would you like this jawbreaker?
Would you like some gum?
Mmm... tastes like sirloin!
The gold tooth is in the gum.
Hmm. That's made my voice sound funny
Cool!
Um... no?
I wonder where that tooth fell.
It's the gold tooth!
There are ants crawling all over it.
Oooh, my head is spinning. I've got to lay off the rum.
Check this out.
So you'll join my crew?
I'll need one more sailor for my crew
Are you sure you don't want to join my crew
Sounds great! Let's do it!
Hey, I win!
Well, I've got my whole crew.
Excuse me.
My card...
Yes. And I think I'll just take one of your fluffy, clean towels... ...and enjoy a nice, relaxing stroll down your beach.
I must. And perhaps I'll sunbathe nude.
Quiet! The voices in my head are telling me something.
Oh, cabaña boy?
It's quite hot. Fetch a towel and mop my brow, would you?
Uh... actually the towels are right here. I'll just help myself.
Nice, fluffy towel.
May I please have some of your oil?
This towel is soaking wet.
Nice, fluffy towel. I'll just take one more.
I've got enough towels.
The towels are all wet now.
Chicken franks! Chock full of processed beaks and wattles!
Hot! Hot!
With these holes in my shoes I'll never get across that hot beach.
Whew!
I'm Guybrush Threepwood.
Finally... ...someone on this island with some manners.
I don't think you understand. I'm a mighty pirate.
It's me again...
Look here, you...
Wow! You're pale!
How long have you been out here?
I've seen correctional fluids with better color than you!
You look like you've lived under a rock your WHOLE life!
You've got the SAVAGE pale!
Hey! I can see my reflection in your chest
You're so pale, you make snow look tan!
If I bleached chalk it wouldn't be as pale as you!
Yes.
Would you like to join my crew?
You're a project leader on a computer game?
Are you sure you won't join my crew?
I'm looking for Blood Island. Do you know where it is?
Are you sure you don't know how to get to Blood Island?
That's funny. Slappy Cromwell... ...told me you booked all his shows there.
So you do know how to get to Blood Island!
On your back?
Oh. Why did you lie and say you didn't know how to get to Blood Island?
What?
It's Blood Island or nothing.
Can I see your map to Blood Island?
You can see it when I roll over to tan my back.
See ya around.
Hello there, sonny. Are you open yet?
That does sound like a good deal. Is the lemonade good?
Wow! What's the lemonade good for?
Will it cure evil pirate curses?
I'd like to buy some lemonade.
Hey! There's no bottom to this mug! Give me my money back!
Why, you little...
I want my money back!
I don't know, I didn't drink any.
But..
I'm bigger than him. I'm no bully.
Are you going to give me my money back?
Give me some more lemonade, you little chiseler.
Ahhhh. That was as refreshing as morning dew!
It's full of dye now.
I'd rather go around to the gate than go through that towel business again.
I've brought you a new mug.
Here's your drink, sir.
Look, Palido! You're burning!
Good idea.
I'll never memorize that map. It's far too complex.
Because of his sunburn, the map on Palido's back is peeling off
I really wish I didn't have to do that
It's the map to Blood Island, peeled off Palido's back.
The plug is all pasty now.
Perfect!
I'll never be able to pick that up.
I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I want my girlfriend!
Your captain?
LeCh...!
Couldn't you just let me off with a stern warning?
I regret that I have but one life to give for love!
I'll be back to kill you all!
SPLASH!
It's a big old sloppy bucket o' tar.
Hmmm.
So what do I do now?
I guess so. But no more than usual.
He's asleep.
I'm out of here.
Oops!
Uh-Oh!
¿Qué?
Uh, that's right.
Bluch! This chicken grease washed off all the feathers. Whoops. I'd better keep quiet
LeChimp? The captain is an ape? Well, if the captain is an ape... ...then Mr. Fossey must be...
..an utter loon.
Ahh! I HATE porcelain! It's a long story. I'll explain later.
Uh, testing... testing... uh, check... one... two... uh, three..
Ahem. Mr. Fossey, I've been thinking...
Don't interrupt!
Maybe it's time we gave up pirating. I mean, take a look around, at me, at the rest of the crew... ...We're all monkeys.
No, I mean in the quite literal sense. Have you noticed that the crew is happier swinging from the masts than swabbing the decks? I don't even want to MENTION what they've been flinging around the ship..
No, no, I'm suggesting that we all give up this charade and go back to the trees. That's the life for a monkey, not sailing the seas for months on end!
I think our last order of business should be to dig up that statue, and...
Okay, but first, we should dig up that statue and give it to...
Very good, and then we can dig up that statue and...
Okay, never mind then.
That must be the map to where they've buried Elaine!
I think Mr. Fossey is the only guy who can talk to him.
I don't want to get the kernels stuck in my teeth.
Whoops! There's no rowboat!
Oh, I just can't watch.
It smells like something's burning... Hmph... must be this shoddy seventeenth-century electrical wiring. Wait a second... somebody's been monkeying around with these controls!
That's it! That must be where Elaine is buried!
He's a great juggler, but I sure wish he'd get off the stage so I can dig Elaine up.
Drop it! Drop it!
Uh-oh! It looks like he's coming for the cannon balls now!
I'm glad it had a happy ending and he got the... um... got the girl in the end.
Elaine should be safe up in the crow's nest... ...for now.
It's a torn-up contract with something scrawled on it. It says...
"To my agent, Palido Domingo: Palido, this is the worst booking you've given me since that fire-walking fiasco on Blood Island. I quit! Sincerely, Slappy Cromwell."
Well, I've got a crew, a map, a ship, and finally got Elaine back... ...So what say we head on to Blood Island! To lift the curse and save Elaine!
How about it, guys? Let's get moving towards Blood Island! Let's head on out and find our fortune! Guys?
I think that ship is following us.
It's a pirate ship! We've got to outrun her!
All right, men! Are you with me!
That ship is gaining on us. Cutthroat Bill! Rig the topsail!
They're boarding us! Crew! Help me out here
Rottingham! So it's you! What do you want, other than a good toupee?
Look, baldy, I'll never give you that map! I need it to save Elaine!
Of course! Everybody knows that, chrome dome! Let's get this over with.
Oh, yeah! Well... You fight like a cow!
What?
What!?
I once found some gold but it was just electro-plated.
Uhhh.
I... uh, I...
Uh... here! Take it!
I've got to get that map back or we'll never find Blood Island. Thanks, guys. You were a world of help back there.
Oh, this is just ridiculous.
Come on, men! We've got to recover that map!
Let's go defeat that evil pirate!
All right, crew, let's get to work!